I believe that the choices we make in our life is what’s defines us.
Every day we make choices, we choose witch road we’re going to take on our way home, witch person we choose to talk to when something unusual has happened.
But there is also the bigger choices we make, like who we choose to give our heart to or who we choose to let in our life and keep in our life.
If we held the answers to our future based on the choices we make, would it make any difference?
I want to believe that the choices we make is from our heart and in that way it can never be wrong, cause we followed our hearts will.
So in other words, it doesn’t matter how much time we spend dwelling in the past because we wouldn’t have made any other choices, if we truly followed our heart. But if we made our choice based on fear, anger or disappointment then there is almost bound to be a decision filled with regret.
The most recent decisions in my life I’ve made based on my feelings from my heart. Still I found myself thinking about the past as something I could have changed if I’d known then what I know now but I know that even if I would hold all the answers I would still make my choice depending on what’s in my heart.
A thought that’s been occurring more often since a specific person phoned me in the middle of the night a while ago. A man I have a history with. I keep wondering if we would have a future if we would have met now.
When I first met him, he saved me from myself, from a place I had been stuck in, which was somewhere between darkness and confusion. A place another man but me in caused by years of struggles.
He showed me love and he was there when I needed him. He came to me in the middle of the night just to lie next to me. He helped me, not only with material things like fixing my lamps and putting up a shell, he also helped me to find a way to laughter, trust and security.
And I hate myself for not being able to let him inside and I also failed to show him that he meant something to me, even more then I’d like to admit, especially back then.
I chose to keep the man that had hurt me so many times, the man that never really seemed to care about me or how I felt, as long as I was there when he wanted me. I think back on those times and I can feel regret, regret that I kept the man that didn’t want or deserved my heart. I regret never giving the person who wanted me a chance to win my heart.
But as sad as I might sound, I probably would make the same choice I did back then because my heart were in love and I didn’t get to choose in which man.
But from the place where I’m at now I could see a future with the one I left behind or at least a beginning because ever since I got his phone call old memories keeps coming up. Memories from a time when there was only you and me, in my apartment running free. Remember the time when you and I went outside, we sat on the bench looking at the stars. I never told you this, but in that moment I found myself being in a warm place, a place I could have stayed in forever, a place with you. Right there and then I knew I could fall in love with you and that I’ve already started to.
But our story also ended there. Until you called me and brought everything I ever felt back into life.
You told me that we were always meant to be and you asked me why I had to leave you, leave town.
I tell you now; if you spoke from a true heart when you told me that, you should know that I’m willing to take a chance, to take a leap of faith with us.
Now you know and it’s all up to you to write your future with me or with the one that holds you in her heart now. As long as you follow your true feeling that’s in your heart and not your feelings brought from fear, it can never be wrong, don’t ever forget that.
